Don’t Be So Defensive About Romance

Has your sweetheart ever said,

“You never tell me you love me anymore”?

Or, “Why don’t you hold my hand like you used to?”

Or, ” I wish you had a few minutes for me. You never have time for me.”

Or, “I remember when you used to bring me flowers or candy or jewelry or . . . . ”

AND YOUR FIRST REACTION IS . . . “I’ll straighten him/her out”

You’re ready to remind your sweetheart:

you frequently profess your love,
you hug almost daily,
you took your sweetheart to dinner a couple weeks ago,
you stopped at the kiosk in the airport and procured a necklace.

The temptation to react like that is overwhelming.

You know the accusation is without merit and should be struck from the record.

You’re ready to correct your sweetheart’s memory and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt you romance her/him generously.

That would feel so . . . sanctimonious. You’d be vindicated.

Stop! Yield not! It’s a no-win argument, one you’ll live to regret.

Listen carefully to your sweetheart’s message.

When my sweetheart says something like this, I silently ask,

“Why does he/she feel this way?
Why doesn’t she/he see the effort I put into romancing her?”

Your sweetheart may be telling you through these perceived accusations, “You’re not romancing me how I want to be romanced.”

The Platinum Rule of Romance again.

Maybe I try to romance her with touch while she prefers being romanced with my time.

When you stop and listen, you discover there’s no need to defend yourself.

You’re sweetheart’s sharing with you his/her romantic preference.

Use the hints.
Romance how your sweetheart wants to be romanced.

And watch your relationship bloom like Dogwoods in springtime.

I talk much more about the Platinum Rule of Romance in my book, “Growing Romance.”

About RomanceALIVE

Helping people grow relationships via romance. Been studying, researching, observing what is romance and how to be romantic since the 90's.
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