Ands, Buts and Romance

One of the most destructive words in romance is a very short word you & I use all the time but we don’t mean to

This word brings negativity to a conversation and wipes out all words preceding it.
Share a wonderful, romantic idea but use of this word will sabotages the idea.

Any idea what powerful, negative word this might be?


Most times when used in a sentence it brings two unwelcomed results:

  1. Words spoken before this conjunction are forgotten.
  2. It makes sentences sound negative.

Here’s an example to make my point.

My sweetheart says,
“Robert, how about flying out to San Francisco for a long weekend?”

I replay,
“That would be fun, but it’s a long plane ride to get there.”

Chances are she hears or thinks,

  • “He doesn’t want to go to San Francisco”, and/or
  • “He doesn’t want to go anywhere with me”, and/or
  • “Why does he always find fault with my ideas?”

Forgotten is my initial response, “that would be fun”. She hears and remembers, “he doesn’t want to go to San Francisco with me”.

What if I changed a single word in my response?
“That would be fun, AND it’s a long plane ride out there.”

She hears something different this time.

  • She hear I want to go.
  • She hears I think the plane ride might be part of the adventure.

What a difference the changing the conjunction makes.

Changing your response from “but” to “and” is not easy. Using “but” is an automatic reaction for most of us. We don’t mean to sound negative, but it just happens. You have questions and we use the conjunction “but” without considering how it sounds.

Ready for a challenge?

For the next 5 days, replace the conjunction “but” with “and”. When you’re ready to say “but”, use “and” instead.

It will take intentional effort AND the impact on your romance will make it worth the effort.

Would you agree? Let me know. Robert

About RomanceALIVE

Helping people grow relationships via romance. Been studying, researching, observing what is romance and how to be romantic since the 90's.
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