Recently got into an interesting discussion with a friend about romance.
Her concern: Men often try to romance a woman with one goal in mind. A selfish goal emphasizing short term, instant, self-centered gratification.
They are looking to “get lucky”.
Even using the words “romance” and “lucky” together evokes thoughts about getting a one-sided something undeserved. One person sees this as great or successful. Something fortunate for them which happened by chance and not as a result of planning or preparation.
When you put together “romance” and “lucky”, it feels so hollow and empty, selfish.
But romance isn’t about an act. It’s not about s3% or “getting lucky”. Romance, real romance is about relationship. It’s something which benefits both of you and builds intimacy between you.
“Intimacy”. Now there’s another misunderstood word.
Listen to people talk about “intimacy” or being “intimate” and it seems centered on trying to get someone into bed for purposes other than sleeping.
But intimacy, real intimacy is about closeness, togetherness, confidentiality, close attachment, understanding. Intimacy means we can share closely guarded secrets and the bond between us, our relationship, makes it safe without fear of judgement or broadcast.
I told my friend, romance is about shared experiences. Those shared memories deepen the relationship with your sweetheart. And that builds true intimacy.
Next time you consider romancing your sweetheart, take a moment to ask yourself this question: is the goal of this Romantic Interlude about filling my need or building our relationship? Luck or intimacy?
I choose intimacy to build my relationship.
Robert, a hopeless romantic
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