Personal Boundaries and Romance

“Stan, I had a lovely time. Thank you for asking me out. You are a nice guy and such a sweetheart, but . . . .

Stan knew what would come next. He’d heard it before.

He would worked up the courage to ask a lady out, carefully planning the date. During the date, even at personal expense, he’d modify plans based on her apparent wishes. He’d do anything to get her to go out with him again.

And when he brought up the possibility of another date. . . .


So begins my unwritten book, “Nice Guys Don’t Get Second Dates.”

The usual reaction to the title is, “That’s not true! Why wouldn’t I want to go out again with a nice guy?”

Because the “nice guy” I reference is a guy willing to do anything to meet the woman’s apparent wants.

  • He hides his preference, even at repeated personal expense.
  • He’s a rug without an opinion, the ability to say “no“, a backbone, or boundaries.
  • He doesn’t respect himself and consequently, she doesn’t respect him.

Personal boundaries are vital for Romance. Without them, Romance falters and fades – if it ever even starts.

And it’s true of “nice girls” too.

Personal boundaries are important in Romance. They let me know how you prefer to be romanced. It’s frustrating to romance your sweetheart and never be sure you’ve succeeded.

Personal boundaries are important in Romance. I don’t have to worry about running you over or have to take responsibility for protecting you from me. There’s comfort and security knowing you have an opinion and will express it.

Boundaries are important in Romance. They let us know when we touch – where I end and you begin.

It’s OK to be “nice” provided you maintain personal boundaries in a quiet, strong, unabusive manner. That makes your Romantic Interludes more appealing.

Robert, a hopeless romantic

You’re welcome to quote from or share the contents of this blog provided you credit the source.

About RomanceALIVE

Helping people grow relationships via romance. Been studying, researching, observing what is romance and how to be romantic since the 90's.
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