How Many Ways to Romance

Being the sweetheart of a soldier isn’t easy. A person whose occupation requires laser focus to train, then extreme bravery to execute, seems to have little room for a soft, romantic spot.

Then there’s the actual reality of the job.

You might think you’re prepared for a deployment, yet it startles you when the mobilization alert arrives and contains a date. Three months of intense, away-from-home preparatory training. Then the hour of his leaving.

About 2 weeks into training, she jokingly told him, “Before you deploy, you’d better give me a list of all the reasons you love me.” He grinned. She laughed. And the moment passed into the collection of forgotten memories.

Deployment minus five days. She decided to create a memorable meal for them to share.

Arriving home from the store, she found dozens of blue Post-It notes covering the kitchen walls. On each Post-It was a handwritten reason he loved her.

This tough soldier boy knew his sweetheart’s preferred way of being romanced. He’d taken time from the rigors of combat training to:

  • Observe and take notes of her romantic preference, and
  • Discreetly used this intelligence to handwrite 52 reasons he loved her.

She wanted to be romanced with WORDS. His sweetheart treasured receiving words of affection from him. His sweetheart wanted to hear and read how much she meant to him. With this knowledge, he created a Romantic Interlude, expressing his affection for her in a way which was unique and meaningful to her.

He created a romantic memory, a physical one she often revisited, one they shared for a lifetime.

Does your sweetheart prefer to be romanced with WORDS? In the next 5 days, find a way to let her/him know with written, spoken or sung words what he/she means to you.


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Lip Prints

There’s something about a well-executed, simply silly Romantic Interlude which touches your sweetheart’s heart.

Choose some colorful lipstick. Layer it on so your lips are well covered. Now, create a lip-greeting for your sweetheart.

Plant an image of your lips on a tissue, leaving the imprint for your sweetheart to find. Or plant one on the rearview mirror, to be found before the morning commute. (Lip balm can also work.) Or, “mark” the first sheet of toilet paper with your lips, turned to be found.

You’ll have fun. Your sweetheart will smile. And memory of that grin will linger with your sweetheart the entire day.

Be silly. Have fun. Be romantic. Robert

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Romance in a Moment

She was tired. Actually, she was exhausted. It had been a week of visiting family and friends, introducing her teenage daughter and elementary-age granddaughter to the sights and culture of Singapore.

After some 20 hours confined to row 34 on flight SQ8, she spotted the Santa Barbara coastline rise from the endless expanse of the slate grey Pacific as the sky transitioned from midnight to morning blue.

Rousing the girls, she felt the 777 gently roll onto its right wing, settling into final for LAX.

The “ding” announcing arrival at the gate might as well have been the bell sounding at the starter’s gate at Santa Anita. Eager business suits and leisure wear sprang into the aisles.

Her ex was to pick up the girls. Maybe she could bum a ride to her home.

Riding the escalator to the greeting gallery, her tired eyes popped wide open. Fully awake, she saw her sweetheart looking at her, a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

This is still the most romantic she’s ever experienced.

  • Was it the smile on his face that touched her heart?
  • Was it the time and money he’d spent to greet her that created the memory?
  • Was it the dozen posies making it romantic?

It was all of these and more. Yet, it was none of these.

He’d done something to express affection to her in a meaningful yet unexpected way, which created the special moment and a memory she treasures years later. That’s the definition of Romance.

Romance happens in moments. Sometimes as a surprise for your sweetheart. Other times it’s jointly planned.  No matter. You went out of your way to expresses affection in a special way. And in that moment, you romanced your sweetheart, creating another memory, making your relationship great.

What romantic moment do you remember? I invite you to share it with me. Robert

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A Positive Impact

The desire to be significant is a basic human need. You want to positively impact your sweetheart’s life. And your sweetheart wants to do the same for you.

Your sweetheart already has.

Take a few minutes to remember one thing your sweetheart has done in the last 3 months which positively impacted your life. Recall the when, where and how this took place in as much detail as possible.

While lingering over a morning cup and/or breakfast, describe to your sweetheart what impactful thing she/he did.  Be as inclusive as possible. Include the specific impact that event had on you.

Watch your sweetheart glow.


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Sometimes Romance Is Sitting Quietly

Her mom called before 8 o’clock. “Your dad’s in the ambulance . . . his heart’s not beating.”

Life blurred as she ran out the door, barely remembering to grab her purse and lock the door.

She didn’t remember dialing his work phone, almost surprised by the sound of his voice. “Dad’s in the hospital. His heart stopped,” was all she said.

Though his workday had begun at zero dark thirty, he was on the road in 10 minutes, rearranging schedules and cancelling meetings while en route. He arrived at the hospital within the hour.

Then he did the most caring, romantic thing ever”, she recounted. “He pulled up a chair and sat there beside me. He didn’t ply me with questions, didn’t spew forth hollow It’s-going-to-be-all-right platitudes. He was just there for me.”

As you read these Memos, you might get the idea that to be romantic you’ve gotta do something.

  • Plan an event,
  • Create a grand Romantic Interlude,
  • Spend vast sums of brain power, time and money.

That’s not completely true.

Yes. Being romantic often involves forethought. It requires time to understand your sweetheart’s preferred way of being romanced. And it might entail deliberately planning a Romantic Interlude.

Sometimes, though, it involves none of those.

Sometimes, romance is simply recognizing a situation and turning it into an opportunity to care for your sweetheart in a manner which touches your sweetheart’s inner spirit. And because of the relationship, it becomes a romantic moment.

If your sweetheart is going through a difficult time, use their preference to touch them. Maybe a little gift touches that spot. A few gentle words may buoy up the spirit. It could be a lingering hug relieving the tension.

Sometimes though, it’s just your quiet presence, the gift of your time, which creates the moment.

Would your sweetheart like you to romance him/her quietly?


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Let Them Know You’re Thinking of Them

Survey said, women believe they think about their sweetheart more frequently than he thinks of her. Some of my male readers might dispute that. You can let your sweetheart know this isn’t true of you.

Create a set of 10-15 little sticky notes with sayings like, “When I woke up this morning, you were on my mind”, or “Looking forward to coming home to you”.

Every other day, place one of these sticky notes where your sweetheart will find it: on the car window, in a lunch sack, on the door.

And if your sweetheart still has doubts about your thoughts, double the number of little notes.

So, who things more about romance in your relationship?


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45 Things a Girl Wants

The other day I received this link: “45 things a girl wants but won’t ask for”.

I was intrigued, and I read the first 4 which appeared under the link.

  1. Touch her waist.
  2. Simply talk to her.
  3. Share secrets with her.
  4. Tell her she’s beautiful.

This link held such promise. Should I click?

With the virus detection set to long range sensors, trojan horse defender on red alert, and every other app closed, I clicked the link.


Click again . . . nothing. Again . . . nothing appeared. It must be a myth.

No matter what I tried, the list never appeared and the secrets into what the other 41 things girls want but won’t ask for remains a secret.

Have you wondered something similar about your sweetheart? Have you ever asked:

  • What does my sweetheart want and won’t tell me? Or,
  • How does my sweetheart want to be romanced?

Good news. You can find out the answer to that question. Here are a couple ideas to help you solve this “mystery.”

  1. Observe. What do you do that puts a smile on your sweetheart’s face? How are those things related? Maybe it involves small gifts that brighten his/her face.
  2. Listen. What does your sweetheart suggest doing together? Does it involve spending time together, touching, sharing ideas?
  3. Ask. Ask your sweetheart what she/he finds romantic. What types of things does your sweetheart enjoy doing together?

Make it a personal game, a treasure-hunt if you will. Become a world class tracker and discover your sweetheart’s romantic preference.

Now if someone would send me that list of the other 41 things a girl wants but won’t ask for, I’d be most grateful. Even a couple, would be most helpful.

What might you add to the list? Robert

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